more helpful life hints from THE COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO SURVIVAL HANDBOOK

You know how much you enjoyed the "how to stop a runaway camel" entry ... although NOBODY commented on it, I just know you had to love that one.

Come on, admit it. You thought: 'How stupid is that? Who is ever going to need to know how to stop a runaway camel? Davi must have lost her marbles.'

On that, I have this to say: It Wasn't Stupid. Someone is Someday Going to Need to Know How to Stop a Runaway Camel. It could be YOU, or You, or you. Don't believe me yet? Watch this frightening YouTube clip for yourself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QQW3VG_TLk

And if you didn't already know that I've long, long, long ago lost my marbles, then you just were not paying attention.

Having said all THAT, here is today's MOST USEFUL blog entry {funny, I turned right to the Chapter called DOMESTIC DANGERS ...}:

HOW TO SURVIVE IF YOU FORGET YOUR ANNIVERSARY

(Diane, this is for you - or for Jon - whichever of you forgets that TOMORROW, Nov 10th, is YOUR anniversary !!!)

* Order an emergency bouquet. Many florists can assemble arrangements with little notice. If you have just minutes to prepare, scour your neighborhood flowerbeds for daisies. Wrap them in colorful ribbon and present them as your initial gift.

These Gerber Daisies would do nicely ...

* Buy chocolates. Most supermarkets and drugstores carry chocolate assortments. Choose a tasteful boxed set rather than several loose candy bars tied with ribbon.

HERE, just for you, a link to some of the best chocolates around: www.godiva.com

* Create a voucher card. Prepare a card or piece of paper that shows the wonderful gift you're giving but can't give now because it isn't ready yet. Draw a picture of the gift on the card or paper.

Personally, I think that this little "bauble" ought to do the trick ...

or maybe THIS one ... take your pick!

Then again, if she's a BRACELET fiend, like I am ...

THIS could work just fine:

What to do if diamonds are not her favorite? Replace the stones above with whatever IS her favorite gemstone and VOILA! You're back in the game.

* Apologize, apologize, apologize. If you're caught with nothing, making excuses will not help your case. Your level of contrition should be so extreme that your spouse begins to feel bad because you feel so terrible.

* Give an intangible present. Give her a homemade certificate for a weekend spa getaway. It could be for her only, or for a romantic weekend for both of you -- a "second honeymoon" (but don't push your luck). A week free of household chores, a weekend of breakfasts in bed, or getting her car detailed are other possibilities.

Personally, I recommend a Week for Two at the world-famous and dear-to-my-sentimental-heart (mom used to take me there as a child with our friends, the Kitson family) RANCHO LA PUERTA: http://www.rancholapuerta.com/

And REALLY personally {hint, hint, Mark - although I know you've NEVER seen my blog}, a Weekend Retreat at Dusty's would do it for ME !!! www.scrappinatdustys.com

HOW TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH

1. Remove the back cushions. If the couch has loose back cushions, take them off to add more width to the sleeping surface.

2. Remove the arm cushions. Side cushions take up precious head and leg room, and will just end up on the floor in the middle of the night anyway.

3. Fluff and flip. If the sofa design permits, remove the seat cushions, fluff them, and flip them so the side that was down is now the top. This will provide a more even sleeping surface.

4. Cover the seat cushions with a sheet. The sheet will protect your face from odors trapped in the cushions and will protect the seating area from saliva.

5. Use your usual pillow. You will sleep better with your head resting on a familiar pillow. Get yours from the bedroom, if the bedroom is still accessible to you.

6. Depending on the temperature of the room and your comfort level, get a sheet, blanket, comforter, or large towel to put on top of you.

7. Relax. Do not go to bed angry. {shouldn't that read "do not go to COUCH angry" !!!}

BE AWARE: If you are an active sleeper, lay the sofa cushions next to the sofa to break your fall should you roll off during the night.

BETTER YET, wouldn't it be best to just avoid such a situation at all costs ... at ALL costs ...

Remember your ANNIVERSARY - so you don't have to go from this ...

TO THIS:

I found it amusing that all the hints above were directed to the male of the species. And the authors of this book are two MEN ... boy, do these guys know their stuff, or WHAT?!

Yours in avoiding such Domestic Mishaps as This,
-- Davielle