Monday, March 9, 2009


Lest you think that this blog has turned DARK and MOODY, it hasn't. It's just what's happening lately. I apologize.

But let me clarify, in case anyone's interested.

Mark is angry with me for not clearing out a certain corner of our garage -- that has an old file cabinet in it, which has housed my {late} mother's paperwork / poetry / family writings in it for the last 5 years. I've procrastinated, true. I am making progress, but slowly. I'm trying, as often and as best as I can, to sort through all that so that all the children & 'grands' will have copies going forward. It's not finished yet. So he is angry.

I make plans to attend an art class or workshop, often registering for same weeks {and sometimes, months} in advance. Like he does for his bike races or backpacking trips. One PLANS and one GETS ORGANIZED with advance notice. Usually. Only Mark gets angry THE DAY OF the class, making it clear to me that there are "Things To Be Done" and that I have let him down {again}. Ouch.

Hence yesterday's "don't rain on my parade" blogpost before I headed to Poway for the day.

Am I guilty of letting him down? I sure am.

Is he guilty of doing his best to let me know how disappointed he is in me? He sure is.

How do we come to a place of acceptance and closure on an issue like this? It seems so -- ongoing. So amorphous. So ever-present, yet ever-changing.

I'm a terrible housekeeper, by the way. That in itself doesn't make me a bad person, nor a bad wife. It does, apparently, stack up against me.

I am quite good with laundry and keeping the shelves of the pantry stocked, however {although there's always, always too little of 1 thing, too much of another}. I'm a decent cook, although he prefers I cook for him in BATCHES, so he always has a meal to pull out of the refrigerator.

To his credit, Mark is a terrific PROVIDER. In this rough economy, it's getting to him -- all the trauma our friends, family, and his clients are going through.

Is there more I could do to KEEP HIM HAPPY? I'm sure there's plenty.

All I ask in return is an appreciation {of sorts} for the person I am -- instead of the expectation and request that I become the person -- I am not.

-- Davielle

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