Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Standing up for Oneself

A lesson I didn't much learn as a child, but rather, as an adult, was the one along the lines of "be your own advocate", which goes hand-in-glove sometimes with "stand up for yourself", and which also follows along the lines of "set boundaries in your relationships".

Most who know me, know that I take and take and take a LOT of what I may not necessarily be comfortable with putting up with - and then - SNAP !!!

It happens. Still. Despite having learned Lesson One {refer back to first paragraph, this post}.

Sometimes, like today, I need to look up a pertinent REMINDER {like the quote that follows} to tell myself that before I go crazy, I have to DO something. I have to speak up. Because I don't like to offend or hurt anyone, and I have a difficult time saying "no", this happens more often than I'd like it to ...

"The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us.

A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves. That we have not only the right, but the duty, to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us.

We need to start becoming aware of what healthy behavior and acceptable interaction dynamics look like before we can start practicing them ourselves - and demanding the proper treatment from others.

We need to start learning how to be emotionally honest with ourselves, how to start owing our feelings, and how to communicate in a direct and honest manner.

Setting personal boundaries is vital part of healthy relationships - which are not possible without communication".

{from the website of Robert Burney}

But the good news is that now, unlike in my younger days, I don't SNAP without putting some thought into it. Now, I SNAP with purpose; I SNAP with a bit of forethought; I SNAP with no expectations of an outcome; and I SNAP maybe even sooner than I would have in the past, making the "snap" itself less ... SNAP-pish.

So if ever I have cause to relay to you an "issue" that might lie between us, and our relationship, please take it in the spirit in which it is intended: that of restoring / maintaining said relationship, and know that whatever YOU choose to do with the boundary I have set, I am not tied to the outcome -- I can accept your response to my SNAP-ish, boundary-setting moment.

And so, life goes on.

-- D.

No comments: